What I write in this post might be offensive to some people. This post will mostly be charged with negativity. Be warned. I could instead write this in my private blog. But nobody but my closest friend has access to that. Perhaps I'll privatize this blog after today.
The start of this year, I worked for 3 months, wasn't too happy with it honestly. But, oh well. The Me then doesn't seem much like the Me now. So just gonna let that all sink.
Then I went back to school for form 6. Hyped about it. "A new start! Hey! Maybe I can mix with the science streamers! Oh and there will be girls!" Boy, was I wrong about that! I'd certainly got myself a few haters more than good friends here. Hmmm, I wonder would 'a few' be an understatement? What happened on the first day of school? Well, a dictator who won my Mr.Douchebag of Malaysia 2010 told me my hair was too long and either cut it right now, go back home and come back tomorrow. Screw him, it's written in those official papers that if you don't apply today, you can be treated as forfeiting form 6. Not gonna let him screw me over, and with that, I started form 6 with ugly hair(not short, ugly. I don't mind short hair if I don't look ugly like hell with it).
Met some bitches, met some bastards, some jerks and idiots along the way. As for anyone who would argue that there are nice people around, well sure. I do think that there are some nice people around perhaps, I don't know everyone in the same form personally, some I briefly do. But hey, I never could mix well with science streamers, considering that there are only a few pure art streamers that came to form 6? Yeah, gonna have a great time with everyone I can't mix with! SMI's science stream and art stream are way different from other school's relationships from what I'd heard. For starters, MC doesn't seem to have any hate between each streams.
SMI art streamers says;
"Fucking science streamers with their lansi attitudes, god fuck them people."
SMI science streamers says;
"Bleh, punks with no future in life. The whole art stream will just die one day in a gang war, that won't be surprising."
I don't heard anything about Sam Tet hating each other because of the streams either. Some of my new Sam Tet friends seem to be getting along fine with everyone, from science or art. It made me chuckle and I think I really did smirk, when a classmate of mine said; "We used to think the art stream is for losers, but now in lowersix? God, we're now art streamers and there's really no difference! We used to say going to the art stream is a grade down too!"
A while after form 6 started, I started hanging out with a few science streamers, and I thought "Wow...not all science streamers are cocky bastard!" but of course, then some drama happened, I started to get infatuated with this one girl, and now we're mortal enemies, won't have it any other way, but after the drama subsided, me and the other science streamers are now quite distant. So much for getting along and being friends, seeing another side of people bla bla bla. Really, I really thought that for once I might have some friends who are not neglecting understanding others.
What I did? Well, move on with life! I never seem to stick around those pure science streamers, never could, even when we have nothing against each other now. I started to get to know my classmates more after the whole drama above blew over. Come to think of it, me and my closest friend talk a lot more often(I think) after the shits that happened. Life goes on. I'll be frank, my very first impression of the class was bad, but then I got to know them a bit more, and my opinion is changed. Perhaps I was a bit too naive there, now I'm having another change of opinion. One of the reasons why I'm not looking forward to next year you could say. No matter what you do, a black colored piece can never blend in with the white pieces on a chessboard I guess. I'm just another jigsaw puzzle piece that doesn't seem to fit anywhere. At the end of lowersix, I pretty much lost all the fire needed to study.
I'd been talking to one of my classmate a bit lately. Heh, she and me are like oil and water. We can talk for a bit, but our ideas of life, our opinion on everything are way diverse. We recently even had a conversation on god, traditions and religion. I bet most of you people would call that as arguing, but I honestly see that as just a serious turn for a discussion and it's all healthy to a conversation such as this. Yet, every single time, everyone calls it an argument when I talk in serious ways. I'm sick and tired of this. I like to see it as debate or a serious discussion on particular topics, others see it as an argument and me trying to provoke others. Don't even try to reason with me saying the ways I say things are harsh, offensive or direct. I tried my best at being polite, making sure that my feedback on a Gundam model kit on a gundam forum cannot be taken as offensive. Guess what I got after I started talking about my points? A moderator says "Oh, I had been keeping an eye on Kyle for a long while already." Guess I just can't get along with typical Malaysians.
I don't share the same lifestyle as many others, my issues are not a booming inbox on christmas eve, not parents who won't allow sleepovers at friend's houses, definitely not money, not strict parents, and it's definitely not a girl I just knew for a few months and claim to be 'madly in love with.' Heh, listing it like this, makes my problems in life seem much more than majority of the people I know. Oh god, I'm making myself sound like the most pitiful poorest man in the world. But nay, I'm not, people at Haiti or recent tsunami and earthquake casualties are suffering probably a thousandfold more than me or anyone here reading this blog. I'm just saying that most of the people in front of me "seems"(note the emphasize) to have a better life and yet not appreciate it sometimes. Could really get on my nerves when people say they had an argument with their parents because of super silly things e.g. their parents not allowing them to buy a new phone or go hang out with friends on one particular day because of other events.
I used to have such a big superiority complex, I kinda feel it coming back right now. Perhaps it's my defense against people, and to use it to fill the voids that I feel in my heart. I bet I seem like quite an apathetic person to many? I have my softer side too, but it never seems that I feel comfortable showing it to every one of my friends.
Yet still, I won't let things like this get me down, I gotta "Rawr Rawr fight the powah" as one of my favorite rap song from an anime says. I shouldn't care about those who doesn't care about me. And it's definitely not worth it to change myself to please every single person I know. I don't have the support of many, just means that I gotta work a bit more harder. I can't blend in well, that has to mean that I'm special!! I'd made more than enough mistakes over the course of my 18 years life. I wish not to make any more fatal ones. But what's life when you're not living happily?
So to the world I say "Fuck you, and a Happy New Year." Let bid this miserable year farewell and stop looking backwards, a toast to the next year, the war is coming, STPM. I will look forward to the next year with my hope raised for life without hope seems so meaningless to live in, doesn't it?
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