Our Barbecue Party

So 19th November 2010, first day I drank beer. Even Sze Ling and Wee Chie Kuan joined the party. It was hella fun. Lots of laughs, and heh, a lot of tears as well.

Believe it or not, but this is the first time when I'd felt touched and so painful that a friend would be leaving. I'd always felt indifferent or was the blacksheep every where I go. Form 1 to Form 3, wish I cherished it better. Form 4 to 5, wasn't very good either.

Perhaps that's why I'd built up a wall between myself and people, I don't try to get emotionally connected, and I find it quite hard especially with my Form 4 to 5 mates. Wish it went differently. But it didn't. Form 6 is...perhaps my best chance of having a good school life. I'd grown too overly prideful, apathetic and egotistic over the course of the years.

I often feel indifferent to people. Never really had a sense of belonging. Do you know the game where one guy closes his eyes, and the person behind him will catch him and save him from falling to the ground, the trust game? I didn't really had anyone who I believed I would be able to play it with. I always seem emotionless, cruel or cold to people and friends. It's pretty much just a facade I put up. Most of the time, it'd became more than just a facade and I can't really blame anyone for it to be happening.

This year...is quite different. Everyone aren't stingy about money when it comes to gatherings and birthday presents, nobody's racist, and even when there's time we hate each other. We could still band together and chat and have fun. Unlike my previous years. But I guess perhaps that's one of the reasons why I just don't bond well with them?

I can't really think of friends that would make me cry if they leave, but I quite understand when Him said "We'd been classmate since we were in Form 1." Truthfully, I never was able to forge bonds this strong with anyone...watching Iceman and the others crying made me felt like crying as well. It'd only been a while since I'd known em, but damn, the thoughts of Sia leaving is a pretty sharp needle.

Kinda unfair that I joined in the talk when every were drunk besides me. Promise that I'll try and get drunk and have a little talk with everyone too if we get another chance to do it. :)

And Sia, the class's gonna be a lot more quiet with you gone. We're all gonna miss you man. Perhaps we're being very emotional about this, but oh well. Who cares? At least we have the heart to be so, I believe.

HAHAHA, this is the very first time I'm writing an emotional non-private blog entry.