The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes"

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes


No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies


But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be


I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free




No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do

And I blame you


No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe

Can show through




But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be


I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free




When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool

When I smile, tell me some bad news

Before I laugh and act like a fool


If I swallow anything evil

Put your finger down my throat

If I shiver, please give me a blanket

Keep me warm, let me wear your coat


No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.

At Sea

Maybe I'm being a bit of a social suicide, but then again. I'd let my anger and hate take over. I pumped up my hostility to 11. Misunderstanding happens, I didn't mind it, but things start turning uglier and soon I just engulfed myself in hate, hate towards a specific bunch of people who I'd spent a year with. Hate me back all you want hypocrites, for I do not care anymore. I'm going to stop caring, hating and holding onto any grudges I might have with you bunch. I may had been wrong, but you people had too. It takes two hands to clap.

You can't judge a book by it's cover, a cover may look old, wrinkly and dark, but the content CAN be a story about a young man learning to live a happy life. The same applies to people. You only look at my cover and thus make your judgement, without even bothering to look at the index. To be frank you have no rights to judge me.  Some of us may had known each other for years, but I honestly believe that only around 2 or 3 people while excluding family truly understands me.

Those of you who know half of who am I must know the point of this particular paragraph, otherwise I do not think you would understand everything that I'm referring to; For all that I'd done wrong and mistakes that I'd made, I do not think I'm going to ask for an apology, do I want to be forgiven and to be loved? Of course, but sometimes I still retain some of my older self, and it tells me that I don't deserve anything. I'm not going to justify my actions, for most of them are truly wrong. Some of you never showed me signs that you consider me as a friend, and more often than not I only sense hatred, it's only fair for who I was back then, so hate me all you want, but I'm not going to apologize, perhaps my ego's coming in, but...I don't find it worth it sometimes.

Carrie Underwood's Lessons Learned

"Lessons Learned"

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned. 

So and So

I have not been updating much, STPM is drawing nearer and nearer by the second, time is of it's essence right now, and it's the examination of my life that will either make me, or break me.

Anyways, apparently things got ugly between me and yet another person. I won't say too much, but the gist of it is that she's not very well liked by some others, so I thought maybe I could talk to her, then she went all "tell me their name or share the same fate as them!!" trying to justify her need to know with "I want to know their name so I can analyse why they hate me."

I refused, I thought it'll be the same as backstabbing, tattle tailing. Not to mention I don't want things to get ugly, I sincerely wanted things to not turn ugly between her and others. However, she then proceeded to calling me a traitor and a friend of "them." That I'm a total faker this and that. So it all ended with me and her not being friends anymore, and now things seems to be escalating between her and some others. Obviously, I'm going to close my eyes and not care, since she will be too stubborn to even consider to listen to me anyways. Let bitches bitch someone told me. I can't agree more, even if it is sorta(?) cold of me.

Someone else got mad at me for not including this person to the movies, but honestly? I never felt like me and this person were anything more than casual gaming buddies. Sure we spend some time together, but really? We never really talked you know? Half the time I don't even know your personality, and neither do you really know me. I'm pretty sure everyone will agree that time spent together is the right way to measure a friendship, but it is only natural that friendships are forged through a period of time no matter how small. The problem is, I believe that we didn't really forged much of a friendship together. And perhaps I might be sensitive here, but what you said that time, directly hit me hard. I myself know that I'll never ever be fit to be a role model to anyone, but to hear someone else agree to it after I said it myself? Somehow that really stung. Maybe it's jerkish of me to not be able to remember you sometimes, which is typical(being a jerk I mean), but I never really felt like you cared about me either. So I'm calling it even.

And that's the so and so. Sometimes it makes me wonder if anyone ever reads my blogs, and does anyone really know my personality and not the mask I that I used to tried my best to keep on my face.

:)

For bad things that has passed, lighten up, don't let it get you down. Hell, joke about it even if you have a sense of humor. It'll feel better when you realized that you have finally put it all down and is able to move on from it, better yet if you know you have also grown as a person. After all, we all learn both from success and from things we had done wrong. Trick is to drop our egos and admit that we are wrong. This might be strange coming from someone like me perhaps. But it doesn't make this any less credible as a fact.

Male or female it's fine to show your sensitive side, it's what makes us humans. Don't try to lock away them, do yourself a favor, unlock the chains and let it flow free, especially those of us who are inspiring to be artists or singers, lest you want to lose your muse. Which I feel like I'd lost, I don't feel the 'creativity' in me anymore and it's hard for me to do anything creative at all. So lessons be learned.

My School

I'd spent so many years here in my school, and let me say before hand that I too used to hate my own school. But don't you find it pointless that you hate it? Why do you not love it? Why do you not support the school that you will be studying in? I'll admit too, it took me a long time to start liking my school, at one point some of us cheered at the thought of the school getting burned down and et cetera.

Also, please take note that I'm saying all this in general and I do not mean to offend anyone.


But you know what? As much as we hated it, we came to miss it a year past our graduations. The corridors that we walked, the classrooms that we spent almost half of our lives in. We saw bad teachers, we saw good teachers, we saw others walk away from our lives, we saw that...

...some stayed.

Now some of us may not have stayed in this school as long as the others may have. But all I see is a stable and constant hate for the school and constant support of your previous school. It's understandable to love your old school much more than a school that you will spend 1 and a half year in, but I do not understand why must one hate it so much. It's different, sure. Probably very different from your previous schools, and I myself would probably have problems adapting to a new school. But that doesn't give us a reason to hate it. Perhaps it's the co-ed system? First time being in a non-single sex class? Do you consider the males or the females in the school to be a hindrance in daily life?

Well, excuse my "flowery" language here but; go suck a dick bitch and sons of bitches.

Don't give me the sexism, you're just biting one apple, realizing that it has half a worm left in it and proceed to burning down every single apple tree that ever existed.

Some of the people, or maybe even more than "some" might make it a hell for you to study in. Perhaps the teachers even. Maybe you don't fit in, maybe you hate everyone, maybe everyone hates you, but that's not the case. We can love our country without blindly worshiping our country's leaders. The school itself is not to be blamed for the bad seeds that you have encountered. I honestly doubt the fact that everyone in the school in your batch will be jerks. It's too sad to see someone completely alone, always bullied and ostracized and if you really don't fit in at all, then I do apologize. I understand fully how much that feels like, how much that hurts. Thus why I make it a point that I don't ostracize someone unless he or she really really deserves it. I believe that it is fully our own faults that we are unable to mix with each other. You, me, even the principle and the teachers are to blame. Each of us are to be blamed. If only each of us had held on stronger, longer, perhaps this year would had been whole different experience for us? Who's to know now?

But long story short, my main point is that, we are all where we are now, and there's no point in hating it. We chose to be here, and we chose to stay here after half a year has passed. We chose to take such a path and let us just cherish what is in front of us, love what is there to love instead of looking at the list of reasons to hate it. Carrying so much hate won't do your soul any good. I'd been there, and I doubt I'm had completely put everything down, but it doesn't hurt to try your best.

Face Beneath The Mask

How ironic it is for an artist to be reluctant to show his emotion and feelings?

How does such an artist put his feelings and heart into his work in this case? How can he touch the hearts of others? He does not know since when did the little artist inside him died. But, this man want to open his eyes again, he want to get back into things. He want to be drawing, photo taking, painting, doing everything because he loves it, because it's fun, because it's what he does best and because it's part of his life. Not an obsession to win and improve so he can be above others, not an obsession so deep that it consumed this man. No, no, not anymore. Not anymore.

This man has been taking steps, making decisions, bad or good, for better or worse. He's trying to change, he fell again, more than once during the walk on his path to change which is still very far from over. But it's okay, as long as this man does not give up, does not take a U-turn. They say don't look back, but he had read something meaningful not too long ago;

"Look back. Look back to see how much you have improved and how far you have gotten and not look back because you can't forget."

He wholeheartedly agreed.

This man should take off the mask, pieces by pieces no matter how complicating the process is. It must be done, and much better if it could be done at a faster pace, yet not rushed.

Wounds can heal, scars can heal but they leave a mark behind. But it's alright. A scar helps you remember what had happened, and make sure that you never do it again.