Reminiscing Last Year

Today is the Michaelian Cross Country Run- no, this time we are calling it the Michaelian Centennial Cross Country Run. I still remember my failed attempt to break into a conversation with the girl I was in love with, failed to get a decent photo of her as well. But well, I had my ways to get my hands on a decent photo of a girl of my dreams. Heh. On that day I also had one of the worst karaoke moments ever. What a long day it was that day, and I still haven't became complete strangers with my classmates...or so I think, ah, yes. We haven't. I still remember last year's Cross Country Run fell on the 20 something of February. One of my classmate's birthday, one of the minority of my classmates that I didn't end up becoming enemies and strangers with.

Heh, but at least there were some funny bits from that day, I think. The plan me and my classmate had for a surprise birthday party for the birthday boy was ALMOST wasted, I heard he was planning to leave. Lucky one of his friends dragged him back. Or it'd been a bust, I'd learned a lesson never to "go with the flow" when planning things. Also, one of my friend's car broke down when he was coming to the school, haha, lucky had already reached his destination...well, nearly anyways.

I kinda regret that I was the camera guy for the last Michaelian Cross Country Run ever that I would be joining, but alas, curse my indecisiveness and inabilities. Frankly, I won't mind not being able to remember anything about last year's cross country run, it was sorta a terrible day, the karaoke incident specifically so to speak.

However I harbor no regrets or hate towards Form 6. I still do believe that it was a good decision to go for Form 6. I'd discovered a few things, and rediscovered the rest. Arguably, my form 6 life could had turned out  a lot better, but who's whining?

Aeroplane

Yet another year, yet another chapter. The plane has lift off to it's next destination.

These two years; 2010 and 2011 had been roller-coaster rides for me. Though it consists more down than up. I screwed up, over and over again, and the bitter memories far out-weights the pleasant and sweet rare moments that I had in Form 6. Indeed it does. Out of more than 200 students in form 6 from my batch, I'm one of those who didn't mattered, and I share my condolences with everyone else who felt the same on this ridiculous journey.

Being in my class, the only way I can describe it is that it was horrible. It wasn't the teachers or the study-load, not even the pressure. But my classmates, well majority of them anyways. The times I'd spent with them, quite frankly I rather forget it all, they were simply not worth a dime. No hard feelings however, if ever one of my classmate is reading this, it's not that I don't value our temporary 'friendship' or anything, but simply because it felt too fake for me to embrace at the end of the road.

Numerous bridges were burned on this lonesome journey, so many lessons that I'd learned. I'd lost a lot, but at the same time perhaps I could argue that I also had gained something in return. At least out of this hell hole I have one, or two friends I'd made. Perhaps we will part ways too, but I'd learned. This road, sparked many things, a midst those are my actions; trying to fortify the bridges I'd abandoned foolishly, trying to take off a mask, learning the meanings of a few neglected words and learning how to appreciate. For this I'm grateful and glad that I took on this journey and managed to finish it. Sure, there's a chance that I might fail now, but at least I did my best.

If I did not went on this lonely journey and if those bridges were not burned maybe things would had turned out a lot differently, that I won't had became better friends with my closest friends. Someone once told me although little is good, I have just too little friends. Perhaps that's true, perhaps Mr.C.

Regardless of what had happened, a lot is happening now, a lot of good things I suppose.

Fight For Your Dreams

So I just watched Super 8 Ultraman Brothers, yes yes, children's show whatever you say. But I have no idea how you people can love Batman, Superman and so and so and not like a giant superhero from outer space. You may leave the blog now if you wish, but for the others, read on.

I love how Tsuburaya Productions always have great moral values within their shows, no matter how dark the series or movie could be. Fight for your dreams, do the right thing, go to other's aid when they are in need, fight for what is right, never give up till you're done and many more values are recurring themes in their shows and movies.

This is one reason why I really love Ultraman, it's not just because it is one of my most vivid memory of my childhood, but because it is actually really really good. For those without nostalgia for it, or do not enjoy these kind of show that requires suspension of beliefs, there's still the mini figurines and sculptures, amazing special effects and so much more to enjoy.

But those really aren't the point about this blog post. Watching the movie it kinda made me remember more clearly about my dreams and what I'm doing now, but hey, which Ultraman movie doesn't make me remember anyways? To strike to be a better person, to believe in the world, to believe in humanity, to see the brighter side even when faced with the dark side. To appreciate where's there. Here's a question to you readers, have you reflected recently on how everything are like? How you are now, have you forgotten your dreams? Do you still fight for the dream that you once believed in? I hope not.


:)

Too Fast

Old memories and scars, they are visiting me for a trip it seems. Nostalgia and regrets, time moves on too very fast.

Oh how foolish I used to be, and still is? 

To wish to be alone, to wish for solitude. Silence kills me. Why was I ever so foolish to find such thing to be attractive?

To take things for granted, to do things that gave them disappointment and shattered their hearts. Damaged our relationships. Look what they had done to your poor worn out body, those nasty men in white collars and with a disc upon their head, but is it their fault? All I know is that you're not the one to be blamed for all that's happening. I'm deeply, deeply sorry, if only I had a time machine, I'll right all the wrong that I did. 

To wish for separation, doing foolish things and holding the words that I truly wish to express deep within myself, is it in fear of rejection? Is it because I had an inferiority complex? Is that why I developed such a hardened heart and such a vile soul? There is but bits of innocence left in such a soul as mine, if heaven exists, I do not think St.Peter will ever call upon my name. If I had acted differently, if I had not wore the mask of a monster, would things had been different? Would I not feel the loneliness that I am feeling right now? Will my hands be embracing much more? Would I had learned to embrace what I had much sooner?

If I had had more patience, and learned to walk away from fights, and learn not to let hate have it ways. Would I been a better person? Would I had not hurt others without a thought of hesitation? Would some of them be the same person as they are today? 

If only time did not move so fast, and if only I was not as stupid as I am. Am I not the one who at fault for the situations that I am facing and the watery liquid in my eyes? I am.

It feels cold, deep down inside. Yet, I doubt that I will talk about such things to anyone any time soon. Why is it so difficult for me to express my feelings, and to talk about events that has transpired when the time truly calls for it? Why would I rather let such chances slip by? 

I used to be just a sad little emo, and I changed, no, I did not change, I just covered up all my insecurity with my ego;   "Let it inflate!!" was what I said. Oh, foolishness. Now that bricks had been through at the glass wall that I'd built, my ego's slowly deflating and I'm starting to become less reluctant to talk when the moment comes. I'm envious and jealous of optimistic people, those who are always smiling even when ordeals call their name and never let hatred consume them and led them astray. To be able to embrace everything that they love with their arms.

The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes"

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes


No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies


But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be


I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free




No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do

And I blame you


No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe

Can show through




But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be


I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free




When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool

When I smile, tell me some bad news

Before I laugh and act like a fool


If I swallow anything evil

Put your finger down my throat

If I shiver, please give me a blanket

Keep me warm, let me wear your coat


No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.

At Sea

Maybe I'm being a bit of a social suicide, but then again. I'd let my anger and hate take over. I pumped up my hostility to 11. Misunderstanding happens, I didn't mind it, but things start turning uglier and soon I just engulfed myself in hate, hate towards a specific bunch of people who I'd spent a year with. Hate me back all you want hypocrites, for I do not care anymore. I'm going to stop caring, hating and holding onto any grudges I might have with you bunch. I may had been wrong, but you people had too. It takes two hands to clap.

You can't judge a book by it's cover, a cover may look old, wrinkly and dark, but the content CAN be a story about a young man learning to live a happy life. The same applies to people. You only look at my cover and thus make your judgement, without even bothering to look at the index. To be frank you have no rights to judge me.  Some of us may had known each other for years, but I honestly believe that only around 2 or 3 people while excluding family truly understands me.

Those of you who know half of who am I must know the point of this particular paragraph, otherwise I do not think you would understand everything that I'm referring to; For all that I'd done wrong and mistakes that I'd made, I do not think I'm going to ask for an apology, do I want to be forgiven and to be loved? Of course, but sometimes I still retain some of my older self, and it tells me that I don't deserve anything. I'm not going to justify my actions, for most of them are truly wrong. Some of you never showed me signs that you consider me as a friend, and more often than not I only sense hatred, it's only fair for who I was back then, so hate me all you want, but I'm not going to apologize, perhaps my ego's coming in, but...I don't find it worth it sometimes.

Carrie Underwood's Lessons Learned

"Lessons Learned"

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.