I have not been updating much, STPM is drawing nearer and nearer by the second, time is of it's essence right now, and it's the examination of my life that will either make me, or break me.
Anyways, apparently things got ugly between me and yet another person. I won't say too much, but the gist of it is that she's not very well liked by some others, so I thought maybe I could talk to her, then she went all "tell me their name or share the same fate as them!!" trying to justify her need to know with "I want to know their name so I can analyse why they hate me."
I refused, I thought it'll be the same as backstabbing, tattle tailing. Not to mention I don't want things to get ugly, I sincerely wanted things to not turn ugly between her and others. However, she then proceeded to calling me a traitor and a friend of "them." That I'm a total faker this and that. So it all ended with me and her not being friends anymore, and now things seems to be escalating between her and some others. Obviously, I'm going to close my eyes and not care, since she will be too stubborn to even consider to listen to me anyways. Let bitches bitch someone told me. I can't agree more, even if it is sorta(?) cold of me.
Someone else got mad at me for not including this person to the movies, but honestly? I never felt like me and this person were anything more than casual gaming buddies. Sure we spend some time together, but really? We never really talked you know? Half the time I don't even know your personality, and neither do you really know me. I'm pretty sure everyone will agree that time spent together is the right way to measure a friendship, but it is only natural that friendships are forged through a period of time no matter how small. The problem is, I believe that we didn't really forged much of a friendship together. And perhaps I might be sensitive here, but what you said that time, directly hit me hard. I myself know that I'll never ever be fit to be a role model to anyone, but to hear someone else agree to it after I said it myself? Somehow that really stung. Maybe it's jerkish of me to not be able to remember you sometimes, which is typical(being a jerk I mean), but I never really felt like you cared about me either. So I'm calling it even.
And that's the so and so. Sometimes it makes me wonder if anyone ever reads my blogs, and does anyone really know my personality and not the mask I that I used to tried my best to keep on my face.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
:)
For bad things that has passed, lighten up, don't let it get you down. Hell, joke about it even if you have a sense of humor. It'll feel better when you realized that you have finally put it all down and is able to move on from it, better yet if you know you have also grown as a person. After all, we all learn both from success and from things we had done wrong. Trick is to drop our egos and admit that we are wrong. This might be strange coming from someone like me perhaps. But it doesn't make this any less credible as a fact.
Male or female it's fine to show your sensitive side, it's what makes us humans. Don't try to lock away them, do yourself a favor, unlock the chains and let it flow free, especially those of us who are inspiring to be artists or singers, lest you want to lose your muse. Which I feel like I'd lost, I don't feel the 'creativity' in me anymore and it's hard for me to do anything creative at all. So lessons be learned.
Male or female it's fine to show your sensitive side, it's what makes us humans. Don't try to lock away them, do yourself a favor, unlock the chains and let it flow free, especially those of us who are inspiring to be artists or singers, lest you want to lose your muse. Which I feel like I'd lost, I don't feel the 'creativity' in me anymore and it's hard for me to do anything creative at all. So lessons be learned.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
My School
I'd spent so many years here in my school, and let me say before hand that I too used to hate my own school. But don't you find it pointless that you hate it? Why do you not love it? Why do you not support the school that you will be studying in? I'll admit too, it took me a long time to start liking my school, at one point some of us cheered at the thought of the school getting burned down and et cetera.
Also, please take note that I'm saying all this in general and I do not mean to offend anyone.
But you know what? As much as we hated it, we came to miss it a year past our graduations. The corridors that we walked, the classrooms that we spent almost half of our lives in. We saw bad teachers, we saw good teachers, we saw others walk away from our lives, we saw that...
...some stayed.
Now some of us may not have stayed in this school as long as the others may have. But all I see is a stable and constant hate for the school and constant support of your previous school. It's understandable to love your old school much more than a school that you will spend 1 and a half year in, but I do not understand why must one hate it so much. It's different, sure. Probably very different from your previous schools, and I myself would probably have problems adapting to a new school. But that doesn't give us a reason to hate it. Perhaps it's the co-ed system? First time being in a non-single sex class? Do you consider the males or the females in the school to be a hindrance in daily life?
Well, excuse my "flowery" language here but; go suck a dick bitch and sons of bitches.
Don't give me the sexism, you're just biting one apple, realizing that it has half a worm left in it and proceed to burning down every single apple tree that ever existed.
Some of the people, or maybe even more than "some" might make it a hell for you to study in. Perhaps the teachers even. Maybe you don't fit in, maybe you hate everyone, maybe everyone hates you, but that's not the case. We can love our country without blindly worshiping our country's leaders. The school itself is not to be blamed for the bad seeds that you have encountered. I honestly doubt the fact that everyone in the school in your batch will be jerks. It's too sad to see someone completely alone, always bullied and ostracized and if you really don't fit in at all, then I do apologize. I understand fully how much that feels like, how much that hurts. Thus why I make it a point that I don't ostracize someone unless he or she really really deserves it. I believe that it is fully our own faults that we are unable to mix with each other. You, me, even the principle and the teachers are to blame. Each of us are to be blamed. If only each of us had held on stronger, longer, perhaps this year would had been whole different experience for us? Who's to know now?
But long story short, my main point is that, we are all where we are now, and there's no point in hating it. We chose to be here, and we chose to stay here after half a year has passed. We chose to take such a path and let us just cherish what is in front of us, love what is there to love instead of looking at the list of reasons to hate it. Carrying so much hate won't do your soul any good. I'd been there, and I doubt I'm had completely put everything down, but it doesn't hurt to try your best.
Also, please take note that I'm saying all this in general and I do not mean to offend anyone.
But you know what? As much as we hated it, we came to miss it a year past our graduations. The corridors that we walked, the classrooms that we spent almost half of our lives in. We saw bad teachers, we saw good teachers, we saw others walk away from our lives, we saw that...
...some stayed.
Now some of us may not have stayed in this school as long as the others may have. But all I see is a stable and constant hate for the school and constant support of your previous school. It's understandable to love your old school much more than a school that you will spend 1 and a half year in, but I do not understand why must one hate it so much. It's different, sure. Probably very different from your previous schools, and I myself would probably have problems adapting to a new school. But that doesn't give us a reason to hate it. Perhaps it's the co-ed system? First time being in a non-single sex class? Do you consider the males or the females in the school to be a hindrance in daily life?
Well, excuse my "flowery" language here but; go suck a dick bitch and sons of bitches.
Don't give me the sexism, you're just biting one apple, realizing that it has half a worm left in it and proceed to burning down every single apple tree that ever existed.
Some of the people, or maybe even more than "some" might make it a hell for you to study in. Perhaps the teachers even. Maybe you don't fit in, maybe you hate everyone, maybe everyone hates you, but that's not the case. We can love our country without blindly worshiping our country's leaders. The school itself is not to be blamed for the bad seeds that you have encountered. I honestly doubt the fact that everyone in the school in your batch will be jerks. It's too sad to see someone completely alone, always bullied and ostracized and if you really don't fit in at all, then I do apologize. I understand fully how much that feels like, how much that hurts. Thus why I make it a point that I don't ostracize someone unless he or she really really deserves it. I believe that it is fully our own faults that we are unable to mix with each other. You, me, even the principle and the teachers are to blame. Each of us are to be blamed. If only each of us had held on stronger, longer, perhaps this year would had been whole different experience for us? Who's to know now?
But long story short, my main point is that, we are all where we are now, and there's no point in hating it. We chose to be here, and we chose to stay here after half a year has passed. We chose to take such a path and let us just cherish what is in front of us, love what is there to love instead of looking at the list of reasons to hate it. Carrying so much hate won't do your soul any good. I'd been there, and I doubt I'm had completely put everything down, but it doesn't hurt to try your best.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Face Beneath The Mask
How ironic it is for an artist to be reluctant to show his emotion and feelings?
How does such an artist put his feelings and heart into his work in this case? How can he touch the hearts of others? He does not know since when did the little artist inside him died. But, this man want to open his eyes again, he want to get back into things. He want to be drawing, photo taking, painting, doing everything because he loves it, because it's fun, because it's what he does best and because it's part of his life. Not an obsession to win and improve so he can be above others, not an obsession so deep that it consumed this man. No, no, not anymore. Not anymore.
This man has been taking steps, making decisions, bad or good, for better or worse. He's trying to change, he fell again, more than once during the walk on his path to change which is still very far from over. But it's okay, as long as this man does not give up, does not take a U-turn. They say don't look back, but he had read something meaningful not too long ago;
"Look back. Look back to see how much you have improved and how far you have gotten and not look back because you can't forget."
He wholeheartedly agreed.
This man should take off the mask, pieces by pieces no matter how complicating the process is. It must be done, and much better if it could be done at a faster pace, yet not rushed.
Wounds can heal, scars can heal but they leave a mark behind. But it's alright. A scar helps you remember what had happened, and make sure that you never do it again.
How does such an artist put his feelings and heart into his work in this case? How can he touch the hearts of others? He does not know since when did the little artist inside him died. But, this man want to open his eyes again, he want to get back into things. He want to be drawing, photo taking, painting, doing everything because he loves it, because it's fun, because it's what he does best and because it's part of his life. Not an obsession to win and improve so he can be above others, not an obsession so deep that it consumed this man. No, no, not anymore. Not anymore.
This man has been taking steps, making decisions, bad or good, for better or worse. He's trying to change, he fell again, more than once during the walk on his path to change which is still very far from over. But it's okay, as long as this man does not give up, does not take a U-turn. They say don't look back, but he had read something meaningful not too long ago;
"Look back. Look back to see how much you have improved and how far you have gotten and not look back because you can't forget."
He wholeheartedly agreed.
This man should take off the mask, pieces by pieces no matter how complicating the process is. It must be done, and much better if it could be done at a faster pace, yet not rushed.
Wounds can heal, scars can heal but they leave a mark behind. But it's alright. A scar helps you remember what had happened, and make sure that you never do it again.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Hypocrites We Are
Typical Malaysians, angry feminists, douches(which I used to be and still sorta am one), no-brainers, dirty politicians.
People needs to be less hypocritical. Stop saying things if you yourselves will not take any sort of action to support it. Unless in the case that just voicing out will help the situation, even by a tiny bit, then by all means please go for it!!
We typical Malaysians, we're all talks and all bullshit inside, no wonder I sneeze everyday, I'm allergic to bullshit, and I guess it's due to myself sometimes too. All the attitude of talking big and then when action is about to start rolling, we would say "what's the point of it? No use one laaahhh" with the typical Malaysian accent. God that pisses me off. At the very least if you can't do anything, then support it by voicing out. If you never do anything, you will never go far, and the country even with lots of luck will never develop. We have ourselves to blame.
People needs to be less hypocritical. Stop saying things if you yourselves will not take any sort of action to support it. Unless in the case that just voicing out will help the situation, even by a tiny bit, then by all means please go for it!!
We typical Malaysians, we're all talks and all bullshit inside, no wonder I sneeze everyday, I'm allergic to bullshit, and I guess it's due to myself sometimes too. All the attitude of talking big and then when action is about to start rolling, we would say "what's the point of it? No use one laaahhh" with the typical Malaysian accent. God that pisses me off. At the very least if you can't do anything, then support it by voicing out. If you never do anything, you will never go far, and the country even with lots of luck will never develop. We have ourselves to blame.
Monday, June 13, 2011
A Year Since
We all came into form 6, a year ago from this date, expecting something. Be it that they were expecting having amazing fun, being in a co-ed school environment, being the top scorer, cutting the amount of money that needs to be spent on universities and some believed that it will also be a new beginning for them towards a new chapter of their life. Perhaps some of us were disappointed, many or little I do not know.
As for me, I'd made both friends and enemies. For better or worse. Today school has reopened, and everyone went through the first day of school as usual. Nothing more, cept for the results of MUET that was released today at 12 midnight. Quite a lot of us were not pleased with our results, some were devastated, some, cheered and jumped around in joy and excitement. And so the day passed by just like that.
As for me, I'd made both friends and enemies. For better or worse. Today school has reopened, and everyone went through the first day of school as usual. Nothing more, cept for the results of MUET that was released today at 12 midnight. Quite a lot of us were not pleased with our results, some were devastated, some, cheered and jumped around in joy and excitement. And so the day passed by just like that.
Ahoy Me Hearties!
So the holidays breezed through just like that. Among the highlights of the holidays were me uploading 14 pages of my comic in less than 2 week time, one hell of a personal record!! AND MISSING Pirates of the Caribbean 4 in the cinema, but oh well, I never watched 1,2 and 3 in the cinema anyways. So no biggie. I watched Avatar just now, the movie wasn't bad but I don't have time now to comment on it or write up a review. Perhaps another time
Aye, gonna be hard to start off everyday with a smile, with so many krakens around sinking ships wherever they may go. Land lubbers beware lest you want to walk the plank or have your ship sunk. Hell's reopening tomorrow after all. And this Hell I'm talking about ain't no Hell's Kitchen, this is another Hell, a much more agonizing hell. At least that's how I see it. Devils about every where, two faced, masked beasts. They will trick you and kill you if you are not careful. Gotta brace yourself 24/7. Do not be tempted, do not be engulfed in rage and act in anger. Beware the signs, play hard, study smart and hard. That's one way to get out of this hell hole. Survivor is not guaranteed once you enter the gates.
Kyle signing off.
*RELOG*
But it is always worth it to go to this hell hole. The place I spent much of my life here, almost half my life was spend here, if not more. Passed my birthday at this hell once, and even though we all call it Hell, deep down, we all still love it. Call it a love hate relationship. Nevertheless, between all those devils, beasts and monsters. There are angels about in this hell, these angels comes in the shape of friends, close friends, those that care about. Though some have already left this hell hole, they will be remembered, the corridors we walked through together all the time and all the shit and crap we babble about walking through them. Ah great bittersweet memories. Nothing can beat this hell, this place is perhaps, almost like a heaven in the shape of hell.
Aye, gonna be hard to start off everyday with a smile, with so many krakens around sinking ships wherever they may go. Land lubbers beware lest you want to walk the plank or have your ship sunk. Hell's reopening tomorrow after all. And this Hell I'm talking about ain't no Hell's Kitchen, this is another Hell, a much more agonizing hell. At least that's how I see it. Devils about every where, two faced, masked beasts. They will trick you and kill you if you are not careful. Gotta brace yourself 24/7. Do not be tempted, do not be engulfed in rage and act in anger. Beware the signs, play hard, study smart and hard. That's one way to get out of this hell hole. Survivor is not guaranteed once you enter the gates.
Kyle signing off.
*RELOG*
But it is always worth it to go to this hell hole. The place I spent much of my life here, almost half my life was spend here, if not more. Passed my birthday at this hell once, and even though we all call it Hell, deep down, we all still love it. Call it a love hate relationship. Nevertheless, between all those devils, beasts and monsters. There are angels about in this hell, these angels comes in the shape of friends, close friends, those that care about. Though some have already left this hell hole, they will be remembered, the corridors we walked through together all the time and all the shit and crap we babble about walking through them. Ah great bittersweet memories. Nothing can beat this hell, this place is perhaps, almost like a heaven in the shape of hell.
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