The Answer

I’d been asked before what type of women did I fancy and even though I thought I knew what type of women I liked in the first place, I was at a lost trying to answer that question. I found myself pondering on it for a while. Well, today it seems I finally have found a satisfactory answer to this troublesome question.

I like women who embrace their feminism with pride and grace. The ones who are not ashamed to be born a woman but also take matters into their own hands. I admire them for standing up against the majority, to do their best to tell the world that “women are equals” but do not demand special treatments such as “ladies first” and “You are going to give me the job we’re both fighting for because I’m a woman, and men are supposed to let women go first.” I believe that is truly admirable and makes a woman just that much more attractive.

I suppose I’m the type who is looking for a life partner instead of someone to spend my lonely nights with.  Someone to have fights with, to have laughs with and to be friends with. Yes, I think that would be indeed for me, the person would be both someone I love and respect.

The Journey

This post is dedicated to all my closest friends.

I have a friend, Mr. Jack SkEllington(Did I spell that right?) who once told me that I had too little close friends, you know, the people who would go to your funeral if you were to leave them first and they will send you off with a sincere heart. After seeing my cousin sister’s birthday party, I was surprised by the crowd of friends she had. It was surely a sight to be impressed with, or perhaps only in my opinion, perhaps only I had not experienced having a big group of friends celebrating your birthday.

Oh but I do have my fair share of close friends, maybe they are not able to throw me such a big party, maybe I had never threw them such a big party either. I was really happy when my friends threw me party during my Upper Form 6 year, even though Mr. Alchemist totally leaked the secret of my surprise birthday party, I was totally happy and nevertheless surprised to an extend of the warm reception. I must admit, I’d never been a good friend to anyone in the past, though I’m trying my best nowadays to not go back on my promise on being a better friend to all my remaining closest friends. I’m glad and grateful that they did not leave me. Ms. Baker, Ms. Swimmer and Ms. Child On Board, thanks for being some of my only friends in the whole of my form 6 life, it was supposed to have more than 200 students during our batch. But I guess I only made friends with you 3 girls and a few others. It’s ironic, that I became closer friends with you guys than with my classmates, but I am more than glad that I do have the privilege to still call a small number of my classmates as my friends.

(Oh, and by the way, so sorry to ya, Ms.Child On Board, I just can't think of any code name for you. I'm terrible at naming things.)

Maybe one day we can have a big party to make up for everyone missing their big ‘parties’ and I will not make any exception for anyone not attending. Dr. Altruist, I suppose I shouldn’t expect you to be at a party, but I am expecting you to be there, I’d noticed you had loosen up a bit since the days where we talked every night on MSN. I’m glad to see that, remember when I told you that you came off as a bit intimidating at times?

Though I can’t help but be powerless against this feeling of loneliness, do I yearn for such a large amount of close friends or do I feel like I’ll never matter to so many people, as much as they will matter to me? To be honest, I’m succumbing to it; maybe this is the reason why I have been refusing to sleep. Even when it’s 3 o’clock in the morning, I suppose it’s my own way of trying to help myself by writing out this blog post that I’ll post when I get back to KL. This post was typed and completed on the 22^nd of May 2013.

Yes, Mr. Jack SkEllington, you’re right. As much as Facebook amplify the illusion of other people being happy and you being a lonely bastard, I must admit that I may have too little close friends. Or perhaps, maybe this how it is actually supposed to be, where you are surrounded by a tiny group of people who truly care about you? That, I’ll never know, but as I step into my University campus every day, I’m learning new things, things I should learned earlier like everyone else. But I still have time to continue learning, right? Anyhow, I would not be regretting if the world is going to end tomorrow, I’ll do my best to make up for lost time, even if I were to only have one more day.

Mr. Alchemist, you’re an idiot, but I digress as I’m an even bigger idiot. Honestly compared to before the only things that makes you annoying now are just minor things, loosen up a bit on phone calls and touching people when you’re talking to them might help you out professionally and personally, hahaha! I know, you and Mr. Blade had gave me a lot of leeway and forgave a lot of things, that’s why I was a tad bit pissed when you two were pushing the decision on where to watch The Fast and The Furious 6 at. But I’d never been the type to show his emotions clearly, it’s a bit hard trying to do it now but I’m on my way though, slowly, but surely.

Signing off, Chi Chung.

365 Days Photo Challenge

I'd been doing 365 Days Photo Challenge and opened a separate blog with all the photos I'd done so far on it, which is 23.

http://365dreamdays.blogspot.com/

Please take a look guys :) and like them on my facebook album if you have my facebook!!

Reminiscing Last Year

Today is the Michaelian Cross Country Run- no, this time we are calling it the Michaelian Centennial Cross Country Run. I still remember my failed attempt to break into a conversation with the girl I was in love with, failed to get a decent photo of her as well. But well, I had my ways to get my hands on a decent photo of a girl of my dreams. Heh. On that day I also had one of the worst karaoke moments ever. What a long day it was that day, and I still haven't became complete strangers with my classmates...or so I think, ah, yes. We haven't. I still remember last year's Cross Country Run fell on the 20 something of February. One of my classmate's birthday, one of the minority of my classmates that I didn't end up becoming enemies and strangers with.

Heh, but at least there were some funny bits from that day, I think. The plan me and my classmate had for a surprise birthday party for the birthday boy was ALMOST wasted, I heard he was planning to leave. Lucky one of his friends dragged him back. Or it'd been a bust, I'd learned a lesson never to "go with the flow" when planning things. Also, one of my friend's car broke down when he was coming to the school, haha, lucky had already reached his destination...well, nearly anyways.

I kinda regret that I was the camera guy for the last Michaelian Cross Country Run ever that I would be joining, but alas, curse my indecisiveness and inabilities. Frankly, I won't mind not being able to remember anything about last year's cross country run, it was sorta a terrible day, the karaoke incident specifically so to speak.

However I harbor no regrets or hate towards Form 6. I still do believe that it was a good decision to go for Form 6. I'd discovered a few things, and rediscovered the rest. Arguably, my form 6 life could had turned out  a lot better, but who's whining?

Aeroplane

Yet another year, yet another chapter. The plane has lift off to it's next destination.

These two years; 2010 and 2011 had been roller-coaster rides for me. Though it consists more down than up. I screwed up, over and over again, and the bitter memories far out-weights the pleasant and sweet rare moments that I had in Form 6. Indeed it does. Out of more than 200 students in form 6 from my batch, I'm one of those who didn't mattered, and I share my condolences with everyone else who felt the same on this ridiculous journey.

Being in my class, the only way I can describe it is that it was horrible. It wasn't the teachers or the study-load, not even the pressure. But my classmates, well majority of them anyways. The times I'd spent with them, quite frankly I rather forget it all, they were simply not worth a dime. No hard feelings however, if ever one of my classmate is reading this, it's not that I don't value our temporary 'friendship' or anything, but simply because it felt too fake for me to embrace at the end of the road.

Numerous bridges were burned on this lonesome journey, so many lessons that I'd learned. I'd lost a lot, but at the same time perhaps I could argue that I also had gained something in return. At least out of this hell hole I have one, or two friends I'd made. Perhaps we will part ways too, but I'd learned. This road, sparked many things, a midst those are my actions; trying to fortify the bridges I'd abandoned foolishly, trying to take off a mask, learning the meanings of a few neglected words and learning how to appreciate. For this I'm grateful and glad that I took on this journey and managed to finish it. Sure, there's a chance that I might fail now, but at least I did my best.

If I did not went on this lonely journey and if those bridges were not burned maybe things would had turned out a lot differently, that I won't had became better friends with my closest friends. Someone once told me although little is good, I have just too little friends. Perhaps that's true, perhaps Mr.C.

Regardless of what had happened, a lot is happening now, a lot of good things I suppose.

Fight For Your Dreams

So I just watched Super 8 Ultraman Brothers, yes yes, children's show whatever you say. But I have no idea how you people can love Batman, Superman and so and so and not like a giant superhero from outer space. You may leave the blog now if you wish, but for the others, read on.

I love how Tsuburaya Productions always have great moral values within their shows, no matter how dark the series or movie could be. Fight for your dreams, do the right thing, go to other's aid when they are in need, fight for what is right, never give up till you're done and many more values are recurring themes in their shows and movies.

This is one reason why I really love Ultraman, it's not just because it is one of my most vivid memory of my childhood, but because it is actually really really good. For those without nostalgia for it, or do not enjoy these kind of show that requires suspension of beliefs, there's still the mini figurines and sculptures, amazing special effects and so much more to enjoy.

But those really aren't the point about this blog post. Watching the movie it kinda made me remember more clearly about my dreams and what I'm doing now, but hey, which Ultraman movie doesn't make me remember anyways? To strike to be a better person, to believe in the world, to believe in humanity, to see the brighter side even when faced with the dark side. To appreciate where's there. Here's a question to you readers, have you reflected recently on how everything are like? How you are now, have you forgotten your dreams? Do you still fight for the dream that you once believed in? I hope not.


:)

Too Fast

Old memories and scars, they are visiting me for a trip it seems. Nostalgia and regrets, time moves on too very fast.

Oh how foolish I used to be, and still is? 

To wish to be alone, to wish for solitude. Silence kills me. Why was I ever so foolish to find such thing to be attractive?

To take things for granted, to do things that gave them disappointment and shattered their hearts. Damaged our relationships. Look what they had done to your poor worn out body, those nasty men in white collars and with a disc upon their head, but is it their fault? All I know is that you're not the one to be blamed for all that's happening. I'm deeply, deeply sorry, if only I had a time machine, I'll right all the wrong that I did. 

To wish for separation, doing foolish things and holding the words that I truly wish to express deep within myself, is it in fear of rejection? Is it because I had an inferiority complex? Is that why I developed such a hardened heart and such a vile soul? There is but bits of innocence left in such a soul as mine, if heaven exists, I do not think St.Peter will ever call upon my name. If I had acted differently, if I had not wore the mask of a monster, would things had been different? Would I not feel the loneliness that I am feeling right now? Will my hands be embracing much more? Would I had learned to embrace what I had much sooner?

If I had had more patience, and learned to walk away from fights, and learn not to let hate have it ways. Would I been a better person? Would I had not hurt others without a thought of hesitation? Would some of them be the same person as they are today? 

If only time did not move so fast, and if only I was not as stupid as I am. Am I not the one who at fault for the situations that I am facing and the watery liquid in my eyes? I am.

It feels cold, deep down inside. Yet, I doubt that I will talk about such things to anyone any time soon. Why is it so difficult for me to express my feelings, and to talk about events that has transpired when the time truly calls for it? Why would I rather let such chances slip by? 

I used to be just a sad little emo, and I changed, no, I did not change, I just covered up all my insecurity with my ego;   "Let it inflate!!" was what I said. Oh, foolishness. Now that bricks had been through at the glass wall that I'd built, my ego's slowly deflating and I'm starting to become less reluctant to talk when the moment comes. I'm envious and jealous of optimistic people, those who are always smiling even when ordeals call their name and never let hatred consume them and led them astray. To be able to embrace everything that they love with their arms.