Perhaps

Why despair when you're doing fine right now? Perhaps at a slower pace than before, perhaps more stressful and harder than before. Things are not the same anymore, perhaps you'd made a lot of mistakes yourself. Lost things, and gained something new along the long journey. A fictional character once said;

"You look like a man that has lost something.
But that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Because when you lose something, you gain something else in return."

Nothing's ever free in this world, and everyone learn and improve through their mistakes, unless they did not fathom their mistakes. But perhaps that's why friends exists, they are our moral compass after all. You seem to possess a much better story to tell than the story I wrote. So why the long face sometimes? Perhaps you have your problems too, not surprising, everyone does have their own problems, their own lessons to learn, their own views in life. Perhaps that the story I have is much darker and depressing than your's is just an illusion and you're just censoring out all the details of your story, the deeper, darker parts. Perhaps I'm missing the mark most of the time. But I'm trying to not miss the bullseye so many times so frequently.

Perhaps it's time we all be more joyful, give more love, give less hate, lest we want another war world.

Perhaps life's like a game. In a game you level up so you can face off stronger enemies, you may die, but the experience never drops, and you will slowly learn how to beat the final boss. Same applies in real life, you gain experience points every day, even if you're studying in college, universities, school, working or even just slacking at home. It may be slow and little, but you learn, and you add a new skill to your arsenal, you'll progress through the game, measured by a percentage system. Boss battles are like daily challenges in life you  take on against. Died in the game? Reload, play again, don't give up. Made a mistake in real life? Pick yourself up, stand up strong and tall, and start walking once again, making sure you don't make the same mistake again, of course.

Perhaps life is as simple as that, and we are the ones who are making it complicating. Perhaps life's like a story, a novel written in ink, you can cross out lines and paragraphs, but it'll never be erased. All you can do is to do your best to move on and improve. But mistakes are still bound to happen anyways.

Keith Urban's "Tonight I Wanna Cry"

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes



Tonight I wanna cry

The MMB Concert: Beyond The Music

Okay, I have no pictures to share for this event. But I went to the concert without the intention to take photos anyways. Just to sit there and listen to the music. I'll start off this blog entry by saying that I DO NOT believe the standard of the band has dropped too much, just that Michaelians are showing less support for the band, and when I say Michaelians, I am not restricting it to only students alone.

I quite enjoyed the concert, liked the songs, didn't find anything unpleasing. The concert had a number of 13 songs, including the encore songs. Just to name a few songs, there were;

We Are The World
I Feel Good
the song from Slumdog Millionaire

I think what the band really needs is some support from us Michaelians, even if the standard is dropping, even if they do not perform as well as before, even if the new batch isn't better than the previous batch and whatever reason you can think of. Why? Because they are the Michaelian Military Band, no matter what, they should had gotten our support if anything. Not blames and hate. That will just further discourage anyone and everyone.

Declaration of War

I take that as a declaration of war, bitch. I had been becoming more and more hostile towards people. But so be it. Unity and friendship my ass. 'Bro' my ass, I'm not part of such a "family."

Reminisce sometimes;

Once in a while I recall the beginning of my 'net life.'

my first yahoo account, it was xxx_himura_kenshin_xxx or something like that, before that one was an email address I created at a computer center, so it didn't count. I have a bit of vivid memories of it. Back when I was still fresh on the net, naive and a bit of innocence still existed in me.

I went to a role playing chatroom on yahoo. It was called "..... Tavern" I do not remember the name anymore, it's a shame, a big big shame. I miss those people who were part of the small little role playing community that we became. The frequent visitors of the tavern. I believe the number of visitors to said tavern was around 5?

I roleplayed Himura Kenshin, a samurai from Japan, those who watch the show Samurai X aka Rurouni Kenshin will know who he is.

Then there was a Queen Chibi or Chibi Vampire, I forgot her exact username, but she roleplayed a queen of vampire or of that sorts.

Another vivid visitor was someone by the name of "Nova" or was it "Noah?" Probably Noah, I do not remember much anymore. He was the one who I talked to the most often in the chatroom and outside the chat room I believe, I am not sure what character it was that he played, but he seem like the typical macho-ish DMC loving type of people. I remember this one line he said though;

Me: You stop role-playing Loz?
Noah: people laughed at me for playing Loz.

heh, kinda funny it was.

then I remember the first time I did a role-play fight with him. He actually got impressed by me and told some of his friends to check out how I role-play. I didn't know what to do then, got nervous. Haha, good times. I love role-playing I guess. I sure miss those guys.

A while after that, the chatroom function was discontinued by Yahoo!, god fucking know why. That marked the end of the Tavern. Sooner or later it would end anyways, though I kinda would had liked it more if it ended later.

Lost contact with everyone from that time, a girl who role-played Rikku, and a girl who role-played Misao, I think they might had been the same people? I can't recall much anymore.

I kinda miss those times. Sure beats some of the current people I'm facing.

And then, there's Galadoria Online, a few good friends I'd met there. Oh it ended too.

Siruke, Malificous, Norgaroth and many others. I was the community noob there, but so be it. Kinda wish I can revisit those moments, even if it meant that I become a lifeless zombie again. Just for a day or two won't hurt so bad.

Those were also the moments that I was being particularly "emo" as a person. But oh well. So much has happened, the past has gone, the future's coming and the present is well, the present, time to go sleep.

Updates

School's as usual. Life's as usual. Nothing really has changed since MUET was over since Saturday. It's already 10.30pm here. Oh hell, time moves too fast sometimes, and move too slow sometimes. Wouldn't it be good if we could pause, rewind, and fastforward time with just a click of a button on a remote control like in "The Click?"

Updated my private blog too.

So Ends Yet Another Chapter

How many examinations has us taken so far? I'd lost count, I do not think anyone can remember. Today was the Malaysia University English Test. MUET for short. Candidates are ranked from Band 1 to Band 6, Band 6 being the highest and 1 the lowest. Every year the country only produces around 5 Band 6 candidates. I really really wanted to get a Band 6. But alas, the dream's fading super quickly. I do not see a Band 6 at the last page of this chapter. Hope for the best and expect the worst. Oh the wait for the result shall kill me mercilessly. The topic were fairly easy, but I have my doubts.

Someone sing me a lullaby tonight.

Went for a scroll at Ipoh Parade with some of my classmates after the test. I still can't throw off this uneasiness though, I don't think I'll be happy when I see my MUET results. I doubt it, I honestly doubt it.

Gonna clean up my figurines and room I guess. I wonder can I finish all my maths in time? There's just so freaking many. Past year STPM questions, examination level questions from a recently finished chapter among many many things. Time's of the essence. What happened to that time table of mine? Better set it straight. Gonna take Lai Lin's advice on deciding on the amount of hours and what subject to study everyday instead of a fully fixed time table. That way I will have the flexibility to move around and not miss anything.