It
feels so good having heard that my drawing skills have improved, I'd only
experienced hate and distrust as long as I can remember. The only times I was
encouraged was when I was a 5 years old kid. I get into fights with the only
other artist in school (and I still refuse to call him one due to his abysmal
lack of originality and creativity, plus he was popular for god knows why), I
got shit on when another artist came into the picture and shamed me for inking
my drawings and said “I haven’t learned to ink yet but I’d been learning to
draw for years, how dare you?”
In
form 6 the only form of feedback is “omg stop wasting time, bro” and when I
entered university, nobody cared to comment more than “you need practice, bro.”
It was frustrating, I hit a wall and I was encouraged to give up. I kinda did.
Everyone just shitted on me, they weren’t even giving me constructive comments
or criticisms, regardless of whether they were artists or not. I loathed
everyone, nobody gave me anything useful. It was hard to improve, especially as
someone who finds it hard to pinpoint the errors in his drawings.
I’d
been meeting people both in drawing and photography who didn’t betray me, who
didn’t shit on me just to feel superior, and they give me pointers. They point
out the errors I couldn’t figure out myself and I’m actually improving. I’d
always felt lonely, partially because no friends of mine are artists, even
though some of them appreciates art a lot. There are so many things I wanted to
say, so many to discuss, so much to learn, and I had to how everything on my
own. Be my own photographer and be my own models, emphasis on the plural.
Sometimes
it’s not just about the effort someone is willing to put into his work, crappy
artwork doesn’t just stern from the guy not knowing his basics. Every once in a
while I wonder what life would had been for me if I enrolled into ToA, I’ll
most likely suffer there, equipped with only photoshopping and photography
skills. What courses would I even pick? But perhaps at least then, I’d met more
people who share the same ideals, same passions and the same hobbies. Perhaps
my passion would not have died, perhaps I’d improved a lot more than now.
But the
past is the past; I have no time to regret. Pressing on and continuing my
journey is all I could do. With this post published, I’ll say good bye to my
regrets, I’ll promise myself to not let the world get me down again, I should
be holding onto the things I love, even if I’m told I suck hard at it. I’ll
resist the temptation to get there just to prove my point to those idiots in
high school; I’ll do it for myself.
